I looked at my page stats in some amazement to see continuing page views in the total absence of any output. Someone is reading this but I have no idea who. I don’t know if it’s a technical problem or some other cause, but there are no comments on my posts and no emails either. So, absent any feedback, I’ll just continue blogging away on unrelated topics.
At today’s meeting an older woman shared the major changes in her life as she moves into an assisted living facility after the death of her husband. She spoke of how grateful she was that there were people who now look after her needs freeing her from the anxiety of caring for herself as her health declined.
A young woman spoke after her and comments that she would like to move there herself, and I realized that most of us would love to be in that state, but none of us would be willing to give up the control of our lives that would be sacrificed to do so.
We were born dependent and it’s a natural state to which we all long to return. But I believe that impulse comes from a need to be feel assured that our needs will be met while still maintaining our freedom. Adolescent rebellion comes when the need for autonomy begins to conflict with parental care. Of course, adolescents still seek assisted living in their total surrender of autonomy to their peers.
There has been no time in my life when I did not need assistance to live. But, unwilling to give up total control of my life, I found the feeling of security in drugs and alcohol. Again, the conflict between security and autonomy.
Trusting in a higher power I have found complete freedom and complete autonomy. I live in assisted living facility today: God who both cares for me and frees me.